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Post by bubblegum91 on Dec 29, 2011 21:44:46 GMT -5
Well done, Connie. An intriguing insight into the journey.
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BlueLotus
Member
Posts: 587
Joined: August 2011
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Post by BlueLotus on Dec 30, 2011 14:21:46 GMT -5
Connie did you get my mail?
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BlueLotus
Member
Posts: 587
Joined: August 2011
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Post by BlueLotus on Jan 2, 2012 5:42:50 GMT -5
OK so my mail did not make it. No worries. What I had said was that while this is technically better than before it has lost that personal connection. It went from being well written but lacking that internal struggle to being well written but reads more like a play book.
Find the humanity of the character, how do they feel? show don't tell...
Rape is one of the most horrific acts humans can commit against one-another and yet it is glossed over as if it were nothing more than a passing event. This persons fighting to be "normal" Yet I see only what amounts to a boiled down version of events. I might as well be reading a police blotter for all the emotion I see here.
100% keep the additions but figure out who to bring the feelings back.
This is just my advice.
Hope it helps,
~BL~
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