Post by krackham on Oct 17, 2011 0:17:56 GMT -5
Hi All!
Would love some feedback on the ending of this ten minute play. Thanks in advance!
Kylie
On the Edge
Cast:
Adrian: Late 30’s.
Joel : Late 20’s.
Lights up on Adrian who stands nervously. At first, the audience is uncertain of why he is standing there, but after a few moments, we see him creep forward and look down, thus establishing his position on the top of a high building. After looking down, he steps back again and recovers his breath. Joel then appears on the rooftop, lost in his own thoughts. He sees Adrian, is annoyed by his presence and watches him for a moment. Adrian takes out a mobile phone and makes a call.
Adrian: Hel…. [he waits] Hi Sal. I don’t blame you for not picking up. I’m just…. Well, when you get this message… I just wanted to say sorry. I’ve been a complete idiot, the way I’ve behaved and…it’s just that Davey is…everything. If you’re going to just take him, I can’t…. Anyway, I’m sorry for all the stunts I’ve pulled. Tell Davey…. Daddy loves him.
He puts the phone away and goes to steady himself and move forward once again, losing confidence more quickly this time and backing up again.
Adrian: Shit!
Joel: Lost your nerve?
Adrian: [He spins around, suddenly aware of the Joel’s presence] Huh? What are you….? Just piss off, will you?
Joel: Well, if you just give me a minute, I’ll be out of the way, and you can go on with your ‘will I, won’t I’ routine.
Joel approaches the edge. Adrian suddenly realises what he has come up to do.
Adrian: Whoa, hold on a second. You’re not doing that now.
Joel: Why not – doesn’t look like you’re going to.
Adrian: I am. I just need some time.
Joel: Well, I’m not going to hang around and wait for you to get your act together.
Adrian: But you can’t just jump…
Joel: Why?
Adrian: I’m standing right here!
Joel: So?
Adrian: I don’t want someone offing themselves in front of me.
Joel: Perhaps it will help. I can show you how.
Adrian: I know how to jump off a building.
Joel: How?
Adrian: You just…. [he approaches the edge and fades back again] uhhh.
Joel: See? The problem is your method’s all wrong. You can’t inch forward like that – it’s like getting in a cold pool, you can’t just do a toe at a time, you have to jump in, no hesitation.
Adrian: Done this before, have you?
Joel: Played it over and over in my head. It’s the best way.
Adrian: Well, sorry to put a spanner in the works, but I was here first. You’re going to have to wait.
Joel: Is that part of the suicide code?
Adrian: The what?
Joel: Oh, I don’t know, just trying to lighten the mood. You’re a bit tense.
Adrian: Tense! I’m about to jump off a roof. Of course I’m a ‘bit tense’! [pause] Why the hell are you so calm?
Joel: I’m ready. I’m okay with it. That’s the difference with us. You’re still making up your mind. I’m not scared of dying.
Adrian: Neither am I.
Joel: Could have fooled me!
Adrian: I’m not!
Joel: You’re trembling, you’re sweating like a pig. Stand here much longer and you’ll be pissing yourself.
Adrian: It’s not dying I’m scared of. It’s [pause] …other stuff.
Joel: Ahhh, other stuff.
Adrian: And what if I survive it?
Joel: What?
Adrian: The jump. What if I don’t die?
Joel: [he looks over the edge] That’s highly unlikely.
Adrian: It has happened.
Joel: You’re over thinking things.
Adrian: It’s not certain…. Not… absolute.
Joel: Why not choose a higher building then. If eight storeys isn’t enough to convince you.
Adrian: I don’t want too much time to think about things on the way down. And I’m not thrilled about heights.
Joel: You’re scared of heights and you choose jumping as your preferred method of ending things!
Adrian: Too many uncertainties with other options.
Joel: Gun to the head?
Adrian: It could misfire, and I don’t like guns.
Joel: Poison?
Adrian: You could be found too early. End up in hospital with your stomach being pumped.
Joel: Hanging?
Adrian: [shudders] No. Too….. brutal.
Joel: As opposed to splattering on the concrete?
Adrian: Well…
Joel: What about drowning?
Adrian: Never thought about it.
Joel: Wrists?
Adrian: Too messy.
Joel: Fingers in a power point?
Adrian looks at Joel in disbelief.
Adrian: You’ve really given this some thought!
Joel: Well you have too. And for what it’s worth, I think you’ve made the right decision. Flying is the only way. I went through all the options - OD’d last year. Smart not to go down that road. My sister found me, called an ambulance and, well, waking up was not a pleasant experience!!
Adrian: Charcoal?
Joel: More the disappointed looks from my sister. That was enough to make me put the whole thing off.
Adrian: But now you’re trying again?
Joel: My sister died a few months ago – no one else left to look disappointed.
Adrian: Oh, sorry.
Joel: No need. I learnt that suicide is a pretty nasty thing if you’ve still got people around who care. Me, on the other hand? I’ve got no one.
Pause. The two men stand there, contemplating their own fate.
Joel: Can we get on with this?
Adrian: You’re still not going before me!
Joel: Are we back to that?
Adrian: Listen, if you jump, and you… scream all the way down, it’s going to put me off.
Joel: But if I jump first and I don’t actually die – you’ll know to go and find a different building.
Adrian: Don’t be an asshole!
Joel: And if a scream is going to put you off, perhaps you don’t really want to do this?
Adrian: Of course I don’t want to do this. What a stupid thing to say. No one wants their life to amount to this, to have people remember you as the man who topped himself. I don’t want to kill myself. I just don’t want to live any more. And that ‘don’t want’ is stronger than the other.
Joel: Why don’t you want to live anymore?
Adrian: That’s quite a personal question.
Joel: I promise that once I leave this building, I won’t tell a soul!
Adrian: Funny!
Joel: Is life that terrible?
Adrian: [pause] Yes.
Joel: You miss your son?
Adrian: [spins around] How did you…?
Joel: I heard you speaking on the phone. Must be tough.
Adrian: Yes.
Joel: Hey, somewhere here….
Joel searches in his pockets and pulls out a pack of roll your own cigarettes. He sits on the edge of the building, offers the pack to Adrian who sits beside him cautiously.
Adrian: No, thanks.
Joel: One won’t kill you, you know!
Pause. Joel pulls out a paper and some tobacco and starts to roll his own throughout the next page of dialogue.
Joel: Do you want to hear a joke?
Adrian: A joke?
Joel: Yeah, one about suicide?
Adrian: [pause] Why not!
Joel: This blonde turns up at a hospital with the top of her finger shot off, explaining that she had tried to kill herself. When they asked her if she thought shooting her finger off would do it, she explained how she was going to shoot herself in the chest, but didn’t want to ruin her implants, so she changed her mind and put the gun in her mouth. She didn’t want to ruin her nice teeth, so she put the gun in her ear. Then she realised it was going to make a really loud noise, so she put her finger in the other ear to dull the sound.
Adrian laughs begrudgingly
Ahhh, I love blonde jokes.
Adrian: You’re too cheerful to be suicidal.
Joel: Why do people always assume that people who commit suicide are depressed. I mean, you are, but what’s wrong with someone deciding, after careful consideration of course, that they just want to end things? They’ve lived enough and they’re happy to leave it all behind.
Adrian: Because that’s not… healthy.
Joel: Healthy? Is it healthy to wait around and let someone else decide how it all ends? Whereas if I make the decision, I’m in control. I’ve tied up all my loose ends, I’m not going to leave any grieving relatives behind. I am…happy to die.
Adrian: Isn’t that a bit of an insult to people who want to live and have it all taken out of their hands?
Joel: I don’t think so. You know, it’ll all be like that one day. Once those bloody politicians see some sense about the whole euthanasia debate. People will be able to just sign a form – go see a special doctor – and get some painless injection or pill or something. Like they do with animals.
Adrian: I think that’s a bit simplistic.
Joel: Well, it should be. It’s my life – no one else should be involved.
Adrian: Do you mind me asking why? I mean, if there’s nothing really … wrong? Haven’t you got things to look forward to?
Joel: [Joel is completing the roll of his cigarette and places it behind his ear. He takes out a lighter, and when he talks about light and heat, he plays with the flame. He does not light the cigarette.] Ok, here it is. I’m a schizophrenic. I’ve been on and off medication for almost ten years and when I’m on it I feel dead. It’s like the light’s gone out. There’s no flame, no heat, no…anything. And when I’m off my meds, I’m no use to anyone. I’m not … right. [pause] I don’t want to do it any more. I want one final amazing moment where I close my eyes and get to fly and feel the air rush past, and then it can be over. One moment of fiery adrenaline and then peace.
Adrian: But that’s why you shouldn’t be making such a decision, you’re not in your right mind.
Joel: I’m in my mind. It’s mine. It’s screwed, sure, but I’m the only one who knows it.
Adrian: But, let’s say they go ahead with the whole Euthanasia thing. Who’s to say some poor old person isn’t being talked into it by greedy relatives who just want their inheritance. It isn’t as simple as one person’s word. You have to make sure they really know what they want.
Joel: So make them go through some counselling or something. Look, this is my decision. No one has talked me into this. [pause] This is all about me. [chooses his words carefully] No one is going to shed a tear for me. Whereas you on the other hand…..
Adrian: Davey.
They sit in silence for a few moments.
She’s taking him to England.
Joel: Then go there with him.
Adrian: I don’t have custody. I’m not a ‘suitable influence’.
Joel: Then get help. Do whatever you have to do. Man, if I had a child… How old is he?
Adrian: Six. [He fumbles for his wallet and shows a picture] This was a while ago.
Joel: Cute kid.
Adrian: Yeah.
Joel: Looks like you.
Adrian: Does he? I guess he does.
Joel: Off you go then.
Adrian: Huh?
Joel: Go home. You don’t want to do this.
Adrian: No. I don’t.
Joel: It’s just that this is the easier option.
Adrian: [looks over the edge] I’m not sure ‘easy’ is the right word. But, I know what you mean.
Joel: It might be the harder way – to sort this out, but if you’ve got a kid….. this isn’t what you want to leave him with.
Adrian: What about you? I can’t leave you up here!
Joel: Ok, I’ll meet you down there.
Adrian: Can you stop the jokes, just for a second?
Joel: There is nothing you can say that will change anything.
Adrian: If it wasn’t for you coming up here tonight…
Joel: That doesn’t give you the right to have a say here. You’re not obligated to return the favour.
Adrian: You think no one is going to shed a tear for you? You think you don’t matter to anyone? You’re wrong.
Joel: You look like my sister used to. That’s not fair.
Adrian: Are you on or off your medication at the moment?
Joel: Off. Nothing is going to dull down my moment to fly.
Adrian: You said you were no good to anyone off your medication. And you were! You’ve made a difference tonight. You could make a difference to someone else tomorrow.
Joel: [looks down] That’s unlikely!
Adrian: Didn’t it feel good, to help someone?
Joel: You wouldn’t have jumped anyway.
Adrian: Tell me it didn’t feel good!
Joel: Piss off!
Adrian: Mate…
Joel: I’m not your mate!
pause
Adrian: There are other options.
Joel: Not for me there aren’t. And that’s okay.
Pause. Adrian does not know what else to say.
Now piss off would you!
Adrian: Ok. [He walks away, then turns back] Thank you.
Joel acknowledges the thanks. Adrian exits. Joel moves to the edge and looks down. He takes the cigarette from behind his ear and puts it in his mouth. He takes a lighter from his pocket and flicks it, bringing the flame closer to his cigarette. He pauses. He looks at the flame for a few moments and then takes the cigarette out of his mouth.
Joel: Shit!
Lights.
Would love some feedback on the ending of this ten minute play. Thanks in advance!
Kylie
On the Edge
Cast:
Adrian: Late 30’s.
Joel : Late 20’s.
Lights up on Adrian who stands nervously. At first, the audience is uncertain of why he is standing there, but after a few moments, we see him creep forward and look down, thus establishing his position on the top of a high building. After looking down, he steps back again and recovers his breath. Joel then appears on the rooftop, lost in his own thoughts. He sees Adrian, is annoyed by his presence and watches him for a moment. Adrian takes out a mobile phone and makes a call.
Adrian: Hel…. [he waits] Hi Sal. I don’t blame you for not picking up. I’m just…. Well, when you get this message… I just wanted to say sorry. I’ve been a complete idiot, the way I’ve behaved and…it’s just that Davey is…everything. If you’re going to just take him, I can’t…. Anyway, I’m sorry for all the stunts I’ve pulled. Tell Davey…. Daddy loves him.
He puts the phone away and goes to steady himself and move forward once again, losing confidence more quickly this time and backing up again.
Adrian: Shit!
Joel: Lost your nerve?
Adrian: [He spins around, suddenly aware of the Joel’s presence] Huh? What are you….? Just piss off, will you?
Joel: Well, if you just give me a minute, I’ll be out of the way, and you can go on with your ‘will I, won’t I’ routine.
Joel approaches the edge. Adrian suddenly realises what he has come up to do.
Adrian: Whoa, hold on a second. You’re not doing that now.
Joel: Why not – doesn’t look like you’re going to.
Adrian: I am. I just need some time.
Joel: Well, I’m not going to hang around and wait for you to get your act together.
Adrian: But you can’t just jump…
Joel: Why?
Adrian: I’m standing right here!
Joel: So?
Adrian: I don’t want someone offing themselves in front of me.
Joel: Perhaps it will help. I can show you how.
Adrian: I know how to jump off a building.
Joel: How?
Adrian: You just…. [he approaches the edge and fades back again] uhhh.
Joel: See? The problem is your method’s all wrong. You can’t inch forward like that – it’s like getting in a cold pool, you can’t just do a toe at a time, you have to jump in, no hesitation.
Adrian: Done this before, have you?
Joel: Played it over and over in my head. It’s the best way.
Adrian: Well, sorry to put a spanner in the works, but I was here first. You’re going to have to wait.
Joel: Is that part of the suicide code?
Adrian: The what?
Joel: Oh, I don’t know, just trying to lighten the mood. You’re a bit tense.
Adrian: Tense! I’m about to jump off a roof. Of course I’m a ‘bit tense’! [pause] Why the hell are you so calm?
Joel: I’m ready. I’m okay with it. That’s the difference with us. You’re still making up your mind. I’m not scared of dying.
Adrian: Neither am I.
Joel: Could have fooled me!
Adrian: I’m not!
Joel: You’re trembling, you’re sweating like a pig. Stand here much longer and you’ll be pissing yourself.
Adrian: It’s not dying I’m scared of. It’s [pause] …other stuff.
Joel: Ahhh, other stuff.
Adrian: And what if I survive it?
Joel: What?
Adrian: The jump. What if I don’t die?
Joel: [he looks over the edge] That’s highly unlikely.
Adrian: It has happened.
Joel: You’re over thinking things.
Adrian: It’s not certain…. Not… absolute.
Joel: Why not choose a higher building then. If eight storeys isn’t enough to convince you.
Adrian: I don’t want too much time to think about things on the way down. And I’m not thrilled about heights.
Joel: You’re scared of heights and you choose jumping as your preferred method of ending things!
Adrian: Too many uncertainties with other options.
Joel: Gun to the head?
Adrian: It could misfire, and I don’t like guns.
Joel: Poison?
Adrian: You could be found too early. End up in hospital with your stomach being pumped.
Joel: Hanging?
Adrian: [shudders] No. Too….. brutal.
Joel: As opposed to splattering on the concrete?
Adrian: Well…
Joel: What about drowning?
Adrian: Never thought about it.
Joel: Wrists?
Adrian: Too messy.
Joel: Fingers in a power point?
Adrian looks at Joel in disbelief.
Adrian: You’ve really given this some thought!
Joel: Well you have too. And for what it’s worth, I think you’ve made the right decision. Flying is the only way. I went through all the options - OD’d last year. Smart not to go down that road. My sister found me, called an ambulance and, well, waking up was not a pleasant experience!!
Adrian: Charcoal?
Joel: More the disappointed looks from my sister. That was enough to make me put the whole thing off.
Adrian: But now you’re trying again?
Joel: My sister died a few months ago – no one else left to look disappointed.
Adrian: Oh, sorry.
Joel: No need. I learnt that suicide is a pretty nasty thing if you’ve still got people around who care. Me, on the other hand? I’ve got no one.
Pause. The two men stand there, contemplating their own fate.
Joel: Can we get on with this?
Adrian: You’re still not going before me!
Joel: Are we back to that?
Adrian: Listen, if you jump, and you… scream all the way down, it’s going to put me off.
Joel: But if I jump first and I don’t actually die – you’ll know to go and find a different building.
Adrian: Don’t be an asshole!
Joel: And if a scream is going to put you off, perhaps you don’t really want to do this?
Adrian: Of course I don’t want to do this. What a stupid thing to say. No one wants their life to amount to this, to have people remember you as the man who topped himself. I don’t want to kill myself. I just don’t want to live any more. And that ‘don’t want’ is stronger than the other.
Joel: Why don’t you want to live anymore?
Adrian: That’s quite a personal question.
Joel: I promise that once I leave this building, I won’t tell a soul!
Adrian: Funny!
Joel: Is life that terrible?
Adrian: [pause] Yes.
Joel: You miss your son?
Adrian: [spins around] How did you…?
Joel: I heard you speaking on the phone. Must be tough.
Adrian: Yes.
Joel: Hey, somewhere here….
Joel searches in his pockets and pulls out a pack of roll your own cigarettes. He sits on the edge of the building, offers the pack to Adrian who sits beside him cautiously.
Adrian: No, thanks.
Joel: One won’t kill you, you know!
Pause. Joel pulls out a paper and some tobacco and starts to roll his own throughout the next page of dialogue.
Joel: Do you want to hear a joke?
Adrian: A joke?
Joel: Yeah, one about suicide?
Adrian: [pause] Why not!
Joel: This blonde turns up at a hospital with the top of her finger shot off, explaining that she had tried to kill herself. When they asked her if she thought shooting her finger off would do it, she explained how she was going to shoot herself in the chest, but didn’t want to ruin her implants, so she changed her mind and put the gun in her mouth. She didn’t want to ruin her nice teeth, so she put the gun in her ear. Then she realised it was going to make a really loud noise, so she put her finger in the other ear to dull the sound.
Adrian laughs begrudgingly
Ahhh, I love blonde jokes.
Adrian: You’re too cheerful to be suicidal.
Joel: Why do people always assume that people who commit suicide are depressed. I mean, you are, but what’s wrong with someone deciding, after careful consideration of course, that they just want to end things? They’ve lived enough and they’re happy to leave it all behind.
Adrian: Because that’s not… healthy.
Joel: Healthy? Is it healthy to wait around and let someone else decide how it all ends? Whereas if I make the decision, I’m in control. I’ve tied up all my loose ends, I’m not going to leave any grieving relatives behind. I am…happy to die.
Adrian: Isn’t that a bit of an insult to people who want to live and have it all taken out of their hands?
Joel: I don’t think so. You know, it’ll all be like that one day. Once those bloody politicians see some sense about the whole euthanasia debate. People will be able to just sign a form – go see a special doctor – and get some painless injection or pill or something. Like they do with animals.
Adrian: I think that’s a bit simplistic.
Joel: Well, it should be. It’s my life – no one else should be involved.
Adrian: Do you mind me asking why? I mean, if there’s nothing really … wrong? Haven’t you got things to look forward to?
Joel: [Joel is completing the roll of his cigarette and places it behind his ear. He takes out a lighter, and when he talks about light and heat, he plays with the flame. He does not light the cigarette.] Ok, here it is. I’m a schizophrenic. I’ve been on and off medication for almost ten years and when I’m on it I feel dead. It’s like the light’s gone out. There’s no flame, no heat, no…anything. And when I’m off my meds, I’m no use to anyone. I’m not … right. [pause] I don’t want to do it any more. I want one final amazing moment where I close my eyes and get to fly and feel the air rush past, and then it can be over. One moment of fiery adrenaline and then peace.
Adrian: But that’s why you shouldn’t be making such a decision, you’re not in your right mind.
Joel: I’m in my mind. It’s mine. It’s screwed, sure, but I’m the only one who knows it.
Adrian: But, let’s say they go ahead with the whole Euthanasia thing. Who’s to say some poor old person isn’t being talked into it by greedy relatives who just want their inheritance. It isn’t as simple as one person’s word. You have to make sure they really know what they want.
Joel: So make them go through some counselling or something. Look, this is my decision. No one has talked me into this. [pause] This is all about me. [chooses his words carefully] No one is going to shed a tear for me. Whereas you on the other hand…..
Adrian: Davey.
They sit in silence for a few moments.
She’s taking him to England.
Joel: Then go there with him.
Adrian: I don’t have custody. I’m not a ‘suitable influence’.
Joel: Then get help. Do whatever you have to do. Man, if I had a child… How old is he?
Adrian: Six. [He fumbles for his wallet and shows a picture] This was a while ago.
Joel: Cute kid.
Adrian: Yeah.
Joel: Looks like you.
Adrian: Does he? I guess he does.
Joel: Off you go then.
Adrian: Huh?
Joel: Go home. You don’t want to do this.
Adrian: No. I don’t.
Joel: It’s just that this is the easier option.
Adrian: [looks over the edge] I’m not sure ‘easy’ is the right word. But, I know what you mean.
Joel: It might be the harder way – to sort this out, but if you’ve got a kid….. this isn’t what you want to leave him with.
Adrian: What about you? I can’t leave you up here!
Joel: Ok, I’ll meet you down there.
Adrian: Can you stop the jokes, just for a second?
Joel: There is nothing you can say that will change anything.
Adrian: If it wasn’t for you coming up here tonight…
Joel: That doesn’t give you the right to have a say here. You’re not obligated to return the favour.
Adrian: You think no one is going to shed a tear for you? You think you don’t matter to anyone? You’re wrong.
Joel: You look like my sister used to. That’s not fair.
Adrian: Are you on or off your medication at the moment?
Joel: Off. Nothing is going to dull down my moment to fly.
Adrian: You said you were no good to anyone off your medication. And you were! You’ve made a difference tonight. You could make a difference to someone else tomorrow.
Joel: [looks down] That’s unlikely!
Adrian: Didn’t it feel good, to help someone?
Joel: You wouldn’t have jumped anyway.
Adrian: Tell me it didn’t feel good!
Joel: Piss off!
Adrian: Mate…
Joel: I’m not your mate!
pause
Adrian: There are other options.
Joel: Not for me there aren’t. And that’s okay.
Pause. Adrian does not know what else to say.
Now piss off would you!
Adrian: Ok. [He walks away, then turns back] Thank you.
Joel acknowledges the thanks. Adrian exits. Joel moves to the edge and looks down. He takes the cigarette from behind his ear and puts it in his mouth. He takes a lighter from his pocket and flicks it, bringing the flame closer to his cigarette. He pauses. He looks at the flame for a few moments and then takes the cigarette out of his mouth.
Joel: Shit!
Lights.
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