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Post by waterpoor on Jul 25, 2011 13:00:17 GMT -5
Kind mountain breezes
slide
over mossy granite,
fall
on tall sweet grass,
wind
round deft strokes of Indian paint brush.
Quiet green stones
bend
upward, slides kisses
across
silver trees laying
against
a cloud dappled surface where the water sings.
Light flutters
through
cottonwood fingers
while
rain split by leaves
drops
on goose bumped arms.
Mountain moonlight
lays
on gray heads of sage.
Howls
of coyotes vibrate
against
night time cold.
She is warm against my chest.
Her scent is earth and life.
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Richard
Member
Posts: 610
Joined: July 2011
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Post by Richard on Jul 25, 2011 16:26:42 GMT -5
Just wanted to let you know, I read all of your poems. I really don't know much about poetry to offer a critique.
I'm a nature guy so I do appreciate the imagery, which comes to mind, in pieces like this one.
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Post by waterpoor on Jul 25, 2011 16:35:18 GMT -5
Thank you for the reads. Glad you enjoy them.
R.
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Post by bubblegum91 on Jul 26, 2011 19:22:36 GMT -5
I also like your poetry, and your imagery. I can't really critique since I don't really dabble in poetry myself. But you paint lovely pictures with your words.
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Lily
Administrator
Posts: 2,197
Joined: May 2011
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Post by Lily on Jul 26, 2011 22:47:52 GMT -5
But you paint lovely pictures with your words. You may not have tried your hand at poetry, Bubblegum, but that sentence alone, indicates you have the talent. |
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Lily
Administrator
Posts: 2,197
Joined: May 2011
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Post by Lily on Jul 26, 2011 22:49:31 GMT -5
Good poem, Waterpoor. It evokes wonderful images.
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Post by bubblegum91 on Jul 27, 2011 6:04:01 GMT -5
Oh, I don't know about that, Lilly. But I appreciate the kind words. Thank you.
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johnee
Member
no such self
Posts: 39
Joined: August 2011
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Post by johnee on Aug 19, 2011 22:31:30 GMT -5
i like this. two points of crit, though:
maybe re-phrase some parts so that there isn't as much modifier-noun structure. switch up the syntax a bit.
i wish the last two lines were more implied, than written flat-out. somehow.
there are some lovely moments in this, but in terms of images and also sonics.
thanks,
johnee
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johnee
Member
no such self
Posts: 39
Joined: August 2011
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Post by johnee on Aug 19, 2011 22:32:45 GMT -5
oops: the word "but" in my last sentence up there should be BOTH. oops.
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BlueLotus
Member
Posts: 587
Joined: August 2011
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Post by BlueLotus on Aug 19, 2011 22:37:56 GMT -5
Water, I really enjoy reading your poems  Keep it up. |
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Post by waterpoor on Aug 28, 2011 16:35:29 GMT -5
Hi Bluelotus. Sorry I haven't acknowledged your comment. I always enjoy them.
I also enjoy you're writing.
R.
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Keep it up.