Another joke

[jd]

ROMANTIC DINNER

A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands.

The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away,
suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under
the table, but the woman stared straight ahead.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table.

Still, the woman stared straight ahead.

The waitress, thinking this behavior a bit risque and that it might offend other diners, went over to the table and, tactfully, began by saying to the woman "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up at her and said, "No, he didn't. He just walked in the door."

[william]

Funny.
A woman wakes during the night to find that her husband is not in
their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup Coffee in
front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his
coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room,
"Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 Years ago
when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring
and sensitive.

"Yes I do!" she replies.

The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember
when your father caught us on the back seat of my car making love?"

"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside
him.

The husband continued......."Do you remember when he shoved the
shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will
send you to jail for 20 years?'"

"I remember that too" she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said ..... "I would have
been released today."

[joshuachrisstoff]

This guy wants to join the Army. His friend says that is a great idea, “I’ll join too!”
The first guy wasn’t so sure, he was no genius or deep thinker but he knew for sure that his friend was as thick as two short planks!

The guys both go through the standard physical and pass just fine. Still, the first guy is very worried about his thick mate, he really is plumb dumb!

First guy goes in first for the psyche evaluation. The guy shows him some ink blots, colour charts which is all very standard and he knows his friend will pass that just fine.
“Now we move on to ‘free thinking’, word association, that type of thing.” The doctor says.

This is the exact spot where the first guy knows that his mate is definitely going to fail, for absolute certain.
“If I cover your left eye, what will happen?” The doc asks him.
“I’ll be half blind.” The first guy answered.
“What if I cover both of your eyes?”
“I’ll be fully blind.” The first guy answers.

Back out in the waiting room, the first guy grabs his thick friend.
“The free association is the cunning bit, like I was telling you about. The answer to the first one is ‘half blind’. The answer to the second one is ‘fully blind’. Have ya got that?” The first guy asks the second guy.
“Yeeeeeeeeeeep!” The second guy said.
In he goes for his psyche evaluation.
“If I cut off your left ear, what will happen?” The doc asks him.
“I’ll be half blind.” The second guy answered.
“What if I cut off both of your ears?”
“I’ll be fully blind.” The second guy answers.

“Hang on, hang on, hang on . . . Let’s try that again.” The doc says.
“If I cut off your left ear, what will happen?” The doc asks him.
“I’ll be half blind.” The second guy answered.
“What if I cut off both of your ears?”
“I’ll be fully blind.” The second guy answers.

“NOW that is not right, something is not right here.” The doc tells him. “When I asked about cutting off your ears you said . . . ” He had to refer back to his notes. “’Half blind’ and ‘fully blind’. Is that correct?”
“Yes,” The second guy said.
“Are you sure about that?” The doctor pursued him some.
“Yes sir.” The second guy said.
“Well, how come with both ears cut off you will be blind?” The doctor was going to corner him.

“My glasses would fall off!” The second guy said.

[marcel]

Hilarious! Good to see you again, Joshua.

[butterscotch]

Why did the cookie go to see the doctor? Because if felt crummy. :-)