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Post by south4thesummer on Nov 27, 2011 5:05:57 GMT -5
I looked at you roughly,
the way one looks at glass newly broken,
exasperated and wary.
"I am right here."
There was a shout in my whisper
and you stopped dead in your tracks.
You could feel the tiny wounds that bled
out into my voice,
flooding me with anger, teaching me regret.
There were questions on your lips,
Realization dawning
and breaking
and borrowing.
Love that was more rage
when I took you.
I still hate you as much as I want you.
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Richard
Member
Posts: 610
Joined: July 2011
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Post by Richard on Nov 29, 2011 20:49:08 GMT -5
I looked at you roughly, the way one looks at glass newly broken, exasperated and wary. "I am right here." There was a shout in my whisper and you stopped dead in your tracks. You could feel the tiny wounds that bled out into my voice, flooding me with anger, teaching me regret. There were questions on your lips, Realization dawning and breaking and borrowing. Love that was more rage when I took you. I still hate you as much as I want you. Quite vivid. Loved it. |
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BlueLotus
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Posts: 587
Joined: August 2011
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Post by BlueLotus on Nov 29, 2011 23:22:18 GMT -5
I liked both posts from you. I am not much for poems but these kept me reading... Good work.
If it had been me I would have trimmed them down a bit, but, that is because I am lazy.
Keep posting, oh and nice to meet ya.
~BL~
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Post by artfulhelix on Feb 3, 2012 20:48:12 GMT -5
I happen to love a more free form type of poetry. I my self do mostly free form and mixed. I don't think every bit has to rhythm perfectly. Very well done! There are people out there who will get on to you for having an off beat rhythm, or not rhyming every line, if they do don't give it to much thought. I have had people do that to me then people who love it so I just wanted to give you a heads up. Keep it up! O, Love the name Bluelotus, I have called my self Redlotus on a few games I play.
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lane
Member
Posts: 9
Joined: May 2012
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Post by lane on May 24, 2012 22:13:07 GMT -5
the fine line between love and hate, this is excellent. to many lines are my fav"
this stood out to me..."There was a shout in my whisper
and you stopped dead in your tracks." thats a powerful statement.
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oracle
Member
Posts: 48
Joined: July 2012
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Post by oracle on Jul 22, 2012 22:00:56 GMT -5
I really liked this. ARe you looking for a publisher?
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Post by south4thesummer on Sept 21, 2012 5:20:09 GMT -5
Isn't everyone looking for a publisher?  Hahaha! Sorry, that was a rather sarcastic way of saying yes. I have been away from the site for way too long, I apologize for the late reply. |
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Lily
Administrator
Posts: 2,197
Joined: May 2011
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Post by Lily on Sept 22, 2012 15:41:01 GMT -5
Isn't everyone looking for a publisher? Hahaha! Sorry, that was a rather sarcastic way of saying yes. I have been away from the site for way too long, I apologize for the late reply. It's good to see you back again, South. I hope you had a great summer. |
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Hahaha! 