Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2012 0:46:28 GMT -5
I opened the door marked "Restroom" and ran in.
"Balding, standing half-naked in..." (That entire sentence is awkward. "His wrinkly skin..." is an independent clause.)
...to ask, “Where do we go when the sirens are blaring?” The words came in jumbled spurts. (It's more concise than adding "out of me".)
lower half, he said, "Ah, those are nuth'n. I've lived.... Those don't mean much; I don't bother with'em."
"In Minnesota, tornado sirens..."
Your ending is rather too abrupt for my tastes. I'd prefer reading your travelogue if the last sentence was in a new paragraph and didn't begin with "thankfully".
"Balding, standing half-naked in..." (That entire sentence is awkward. "His wrinkly skin..." is an independent clause.)
...to ask, “Where do we go when the sirens are blaring?” The words came in jumbled spurts. (It's more concise than adding "out of me".)
lower half, he said, "Ah, those are nuth'n. I've lived.... Those don't mean much; I don't bother with'em."
"In Minnesota, tornado sirens..."
Your ending is rather too abrupt for my tastes. I'd prefer reading your travelogue if the last sentence was in a new paragraph and didn't begin with "thankfully".