Cover Letter Critique

[jomariem]

???Here is a cover letter for a middle-grade novel that I am planning to send out to a publisher. I have not queried to this publisher beforehand, since they are requesting the entire novel, so I am sending this cover letter along with the novel. Another question: should I send a story synopsis along with the story and cover letter, or will this CL do? Advice will be greatly appreaciated, thanks.

Dear Editor:

A rainy day in the attic . . . a secret tower room . . . and a beautiful old-fashioned little girl’s dress. It is the prelude to the adventure of a lifetime . . . to a place that no longer exists.

Ten-year-old Allison McNeil is sure that she’ll have the absolute worse summer of her life, stuck at her grandmother’s house in New York City while her parents are in Europe and her best friend Megan is back home in Ohio, having fun without her. But on a rainy day she discovers a hidden room in the attic of her grandmother’s Victorian home, and a trunk containing a beautiful lavender dress that is just her size. After trying on the dress and its accessories, she sits down on the window seat in the attic room and looks at a book about Coney Island, a place that her mother and grandmother have told her about, but where Allison herself has never been. Allison is especially fascinated with the pictures of Luna Park, a lovely playland whose sea of towers and minarets resemble a storybook land by day, and a gorgeously illuminated fairy kingdom by night. Even though she knows that Luna Park burned down long before she was born, Allison closes her eyes and tries to imagine what it would be like to visit there. Soon she becomes drowsy from the rain pelting against the windows, and falls asleep. When she finally awakens, she finds herself in another world. . .one hundred years in the past, in July of 1904.

From her grandmother’s house, which Allison finds virtually unrecognizable, she embarks on a remarkable journey that will enable her to experience the sights and sounds of early 20th-century New York. Soon she comes upon the entrance façade of Luna Park, a place she thought that she would only be able to visit in her imagination. There she meets a girl of her own age named Maggie, who becomes her companion for the day. The girls have an exciting day filled with all kinds of delightful adventures -- taking a trip to the moon, riding an old-fashioned carousel, giving pennies to an organ-grinder’s monkey, riding the famous Chute-the-Chutes, watching the incredible Streets of Delhi show, taking an elephant ride and much more. Allison also has the joy of seeing Luna Park all lit up in its glory when darkness comes. And when it is all over, Allison knows that she has had the best summer vacation experience that anyone could ever wish for.

Included is my entire manuscript of “A Day at Luna Park”. It is a middle-grade novel that is 123 pages long, including a supplemental section that I have written for readers who may want to know more about Luna Park. While I have never been to Coney Island myself, it is a subject that I have been fascinated with for many years, and I have done much research to make this story as believable as possible. I wanted to write about a fun part of history that some young readers may not be aware of, a sweetness-and-light story that celebrates the joys of childhood. If you are interested in publishing this story, please let me know. Thank you,

Jody Mosier
[e-mail]

[cher311]

Hi Jodi,

First and foremost, be sure the publisher is reputable before you submit. (Check the publisher's reputation on the preditors and editors site to be certain.)
The story sounds charming, I wish you luck.

[Richard]

Sept 5, 2012 9:39:54 GMT -5 cher311 said:

Hi Jodi,

First and foremost, be sure the publisher is reputable before you submit. (Check the publisher's reputation on the preditors and editors site to be certain.)

Good advice. People should do this for editors, publishers, and any writing service they may be paying for. There are a number of services listed on that site.

Also ask about them on writing forums. People are usually quite ready to share what they know.

[bronte]

I think this sounds like a great story! I would read it! I thought it got really exciting in the third paragraph where Allison goes back in time, but I thought something else was going to happen- like something a bit scary among all the other adventures. How does she get back to the present time?

[clueless]

Be carefull with this - the first thing you may need is a " concept " followed by a single paragraph which summarises your story (three to four short sentences). I'v seen some good works go down the tubes without ever being looked at due to the lack of the above - act like a professional not a newbie!

[bpublisher]

Follow cher311's advice.

[william]

Yes, be careful before submitting a whole manuscript, as reutable and successful publishers and agents just don't have the time teo read more than 200 words, followed the short synopsis if they like the story.

Your query letter is too long:

Dear Mr. Smith.

I am seeking a publisher for my stand alone novel *** ***, word count 86K. A YA story about the a young werewolf, whose life was turned upside down when he met his future wife, an elf.

I suggest you search on the web "HOW TO WRITE A QUERY LETTER

[william]

" AND GO FROM THERE.

[william]

Typos. "reputable", "t(e)o" and "by" (missing) and "that" not deleted.

Logging out...