Adult Erotic story. No CHILDREN PLEASE

[BlueLotus]

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My modify button is gone!!!! Say it's not so!

[Lily]

;D Sorry about that. I think it should be working okay now!

[bubblegum91]

Ooooooh! Steamy!

[BlueLotus]

Thank you Lily, The conversion from my DOC to here was not smooth, all the ' and ... and " " were missing. LOL.

I fixed a few other small items as well.

So over all what are the thought you guys have about this bit. Should I keep working on it or leave it to the dust bin of half baked ideas?

[bubblegum91]

You should keep working on it. I saw a lot of potential.

[joshuachrisstoff]

Women and rouge
Woman and rogue

Erotic to me doesn't even need sex, in the conventional sense. It is often there but it is neither the start nor the end of the encounter. The one thing I really didn't like was the last line.
"They lived happily ever after. "

I felt the first half with the boat battle wa a good story on its own but I also feel it could be expanded to more battles over a longer period of time to finality, to a compromise or just an ongoing issue. The one big battle after such a lot of work went into building the big canonised boats seemed as if you maybe racing to the next bit and not exploring as much as you could of this idea.

Erotic, I felt that this is not erotic. I believe that involves time, usually a long time. I went back thru bits of the boat battle to see if I had missed some things. Furtive glances, by one or the other. Especially when there is a second contender in the picture, that to me means that he catches one or other looking or smiling, or licking the lips while gazing. Then maybe he frowns as he starts to think he may miss out, maybe he should have made advances a lot earlier.

I think what you have here is a very natural event. Two adults have a common success involving physically beating up some nasties. The blood runs high and the whole 'town' is swimming with good feelings. She gets a minor injury that needs ice, he has ice and picks her up naturally and carts her off for first aid. There is still no sexual chemistry demonstrated at this time. Erotically there is nothing.

There is no squeeze of a single finger by him on her outside thigh. There is no fingernail of hers that scratches the side of his neck. She doesn't seize a hair from his chest between her teeth and pulls it out. So there is no chemistry, no animal magnetism between them. There is no suggestion that this is going to be anything but first aid done between them. That they do get physical is very natural and fine and very special and intimate but I don't see it as erotic for anyone but perhaps the reader.

Again, erotic can be afterward. The little touches, waking up and finding the other gazing on the beauty of the other. It is almost like a one night stand in a bar. You are high with emotion [the battle] then hook up with someone, find a degree of compatibility, at least superficially, you go to his or hers, do the deed and either go home or sleep and go home with no promise of anything further ever happening.

So, what I want is that even if they have never had a private moment previously, there is a base attraction. There is a locking of eyes, at least once, possibly b4 they launch the ships. During the high emotions of the battle, he turns to notice she is watching him and she turns to find him watching her. Perhaps neither notice Johan noticing their interactions. So, I guess what I want to see is there is history here even if they have never touched but they have exchanged luscious looks. Maybe they both demonstrate the presence of "what I would do to you if I could". To me that is erotica, the promise of what would come if . . .

Overall, the two wrong words, more than once each suggests you haven't read it thru but you covered that with the development comment. The other minor thing worth covering is do they have a life partner. Mature adults have usually had some sort of relationship. She has mega money, bought the island, so maybe that is worth alluding too. Is that old family money, her own successful business, is sh a widow who left the money?

I do like the writing, I do like the story but also, with pirates, I can't see how they are going to change their ways of a lifetime or generations, with one single even if significant spanking. That maybe going to be the ongoing core to the story, kidnapping her for ransom...
Whoops, I am off writing your story.

6/10 cos there is a lack of erotic build up.

[BlueLotus]

Thanks for your thoughts.

This was a bit that was a word limit trigger challange, I plan on working it up more filling out the missing pieces and as you so kindly pointed out I did mis use some words oops!

Good advice. Thanks

[joshuachrisstoff]

My subject is spec ops, but that has moved on thru the series of 20 books to include a lot of different things in the MCs life. I am quite sure I can't write anything else except act/adv but he does go thru a couple of sexual encounters, just as life happens.
One ends up as a Ménage à trois. It is quite passionate and lasts for a significant length of time, maybe two hours. They end up grabbing the extra virgin olive oil, which I enjoyed the irony, and things got mucky. It went right thru to the bath afterward.

Do not think that I pretend to know anything about the genre and certainly nothing comes from personal experience. It felt like a natural progression and it is unfortunately covered over about three books. So I can't extract it and send it to you and let you see what my version is.
Again, see or read some erotic tales of some quality. Like I mentioned, I think you can have an erotic encounter from a hundred yards back. The touching is good for most but he looks, the gestures, buying a flower even, can build up the tension that leads to them finally meeting, or not.

[joshuachrisstoff]

Remember that erotics does not necessarily have sexual penetration involved to be wildly exciting, passionate interactions where neither body even gets naked. In my life I have been lucky to meet a number of erotic women, not all I have bedded, but I have been massively aroused and satisfied.

If you lack personal knowledge and want to write it from a knowledgeable position, and you have a partner. Explain some erotis, maybe studdy some stories and one of the very best spots is in a shower, both of you. It automatically gets to soaping up, all over, and then hosing down, possibly with cold water.
I really feel I ould to find you one of my efforts and see if you agree.

Can't find it or separate it. If you wanna trudge thru two full books to 'see it' fr yourself, just email me and I will slip it thru. Deal?