Post by janecampbell on Nov 3, 2011 14:14:11 GMT -5
I enjoy writing satirical articles. My idols are; Erma Bombeck, Dave Barry and Andy Rooney. I like the way that they can take a simple subject and turn it into something hilarious.
"A Diary of a Couch Potato”
The life of an experienced couch potato can have it’s drawbacks. It takes years and years of training to perfect the art of plopping onto the sectional couch with a tv remote in one hand, a bowl of popcorn, and a drink in the other. It’s a bit of a juggling act at first, but it’s well worth it in the end. One might say it’s equivalent to being on your own deserted island with all the amenities.
A true couch potato clings to his/her tv remote just as Linus from “Peanuts” clings to his security blanket. If anyone dares to try to remove it from his/her clutches they literally take their life in their own hands.
The rule of thumb for a devout couch potato is NEVER leave your post unless there’s a fire, earthquake, hurricane or someone has a gun to your head. It’s a real test of endurance and perseverance of whether or not you can become a full fledged couch potato. It proudly states in the couch potato’s handbook, one must be able to sustain at least eight hours of non stop brainless stimulation in a strictly sedentary position.
Couch potatoes have often been misunderstood. We bleed just like anyone else. The only difference is that we won’t clean the blood stains from the carpet until spring time or until the television goes on the fritz, whichever comes first.
In addition, the couch potato also has a keen memory when it comes to what television show is on and when. You might even call a couch potato a walking TV Guide. Some people recite the Gettysburg Address, but couch potatoes prefer, “Who’s on First?”
In conclusion, we must not judge those who prefer a certain lifestyle. I’m sure Albert Schweitzer would have become a fan of the Discovery channel if he had the opportunity.
"A Diary of a Couch Potato”
The life of an experienced couch potato can have it’s drawbacks. It takes years and years of training to perfect the art of plopping onto the sectional couch with a tv remote in one hand, a bowl of popcorn, and a drink in the other. It’s a bit of a juggling act at first, but it’s well worth it in the end. One might say it’s equivalent to being on your own deserted island with all the amenities.
A true couch potato clings to his/her tv remote just as Linus from “Peanuts” clings to his security blanket. If anyone dares to try to remove it from his/her clutches they literally take their life in their own hands.
The rule of thumb for a devout couch potato is NEVER leave your post unless there’s a fire, earthquake, hurricane or someone has a gun to your head. It’s a real test of endurance and perseverance of whether or not you can become a full fledged couch potato. It proudly states in the couch potato’s handbook, one must be able to sustain at least eight hours of non stop brainless stimulation in a strictly sedentary position.
Couch potatoes have often been misunderstood. We bleed just like anyone else. The only difference is that we won’t clean the blood stains from the carpet until spring time or until the television goes on the fritz, whichever comes first.
In addition, the couch potato also has a keen memory when it comes to what television show is on and when. You might even call a couch potato a walking TV Guide. Some people recite the Gettysburg Address, but couch potatoes prefer, “Who’s on First?”
In conclusion, we must not judge those who prefer a certain lifestyle. I’m sure Albert Schweitzer would have become a fan of the Discovery channel if he had the opportunity.
