Looking for feedback on my back jacket pitch

[neilostroff]

DROP OUT
By
Neil D. Ostroff

Nathan Cruz lost everything in a catastrophic disaster: his family, his friends, and his fiancé. Wracked with survivor’s guilt and unresolved goodbyes, Nathan leaves conventional life behind and drops out of society.

Fate lands him into the home of Miriam Kanter, a young, fiercely independent woman. In the midst of a raging hurricane, Nathan discovers that the strength of love can piece his shattered life back together. However, Miriam may not live to see the end of the storm.

[bubblegum91]

Cool. Sounds a little intriguing. Good luck with your novel.

[Richard]

Sounds like an enticing hook.

My only though would be to replace the word "wracked." I just don't ever hear it used, but it could be because of location. I also do not know how you are developing the effect on him, so it could be just the right word as I do not have your story before me.

Other possibilities, plagued, tormented, haunted.

Was the only thing that stood out to me, and this is just my opinion.

[martinshaw]

Fiance needs to read first in my veiw.... I would read on

[zoe]

Sounds interesting to me (not that I'm an expert on query letters; the opposite is true).

And I agree with Richard and Martin. Haunted or tormented may sounds more... convenient, and the fiance deserves a higher place than the third on the list.

Good luck

[waterpoor]

A little prep. work. Maybe in the house as opposed to into.

R.