Post by Richard on Jul 18, 2011 19:13:20 GMT -5
This is the first of a collection of three children's stories I have with no illustrations as of yet. Would like some feedback. I have never written for children before, and it was an effort to keep the language at this grade level. I don't have kids so I am a little handicapped that way.
Thinking in the lines of a bedtime story. Hopefully there are no errors from copy and pasting this, if so just ignore them.
"Hoppy, Floppy, and Squeak go to the Farm"
One sunny day, along the side of a small pond, there were two friends playing in the early morning. Hoppy was a well behaved and very smart young frog who looked forward to seeing his best friend, Floppy, at the start of each day. Floppy was nothing like Hoppy. Floppy was a long eared rabbit who ran and jumped and played all day long. There was nothing Floppy thought about except for having fun.
This morning was different; Hoppy was thinking of a plan. Hoppy was getting bored with life around the pond so he said; “Floppy, stop for a minute.” and the young rabbit stopped to see what his friend would say. “What do you think about going on an adventure,” the young frog asked.“Okay,” said Floppy.
Hoppy could have asked that rabbit anything and Floppy would have gladly went along with the idea. He so trusted his wise and faithful friend. So off they went in search of adventure. After two hours of hopping along, they met a little gray field mouse. So shy was this mouse that at first seeing the frog and the rabbit, he was tempted to run back into his hole. But he stayed where he was as Hoppy approached him.
“Hello,” Hoppy said.
“Eeek,” said Squeak.
“Would you like to go on a journey with me and my friend,” Hoppy said pointing over to Floppy.
“Eeek eeek,” said Squeak. Which meant yes in mouse speak.
Squeak was lonely. He was the only one left of a great big family and was eager for friendship, even if it meant going beyond the safety of his little hole.
So off the three adventurers went with Hoppy leading the way, Floppy hopping around them in circles as they went, and Squeak staying close to Hoppy watching for any danger. After a while, they came upon a big red barn and a barnyard full of animals. Kinds of animals they never saw before. They walked up to a wooden fence and saw a fat pink colored animal.
“Howdy,” said Pete the pig.
“Hello,” said Hoppy who then told him their names.
“What is this place,” he asked Pete.
“This is old John’s farm, and this is the barnyard,” said Pete.
“Is it alright for us to look around,” asked Hoppy.
“Sure,” said Pete, “Only be careful. Cadderly doesn’t like strangers,” Pete said.
“Who is Cadderly,” Hoppy asked.
“Cadderly is the cat. He lives at the farm house, but likes to come to the barnyard to stir up trouble from time to time,” Pete replied.
Hoppy thought about it for a minute, looked around at all the strange things in the barnyard, and decided they would at least take a quick look around. After all he thought, “We came this far, we might as well have a look.” So, Hoppy said “thanks“ to Pete, and led his friends on.
They were having so much fun. Each of them looking around the big yard at things they never saw before. Then it happened. From across the way they heard poor little Squeak give out an awful cry.
“Eeek, eeek, eeek,” said Squeak, which in mouse speak meant, “help help please!”
Hoppy and Floppy stopped what they were doing, only to find that a yellow furry cat had Squeak trapped against a wall with no way out. Without thinking of their own safety, the two friends quickly went to help their little companion.
As Cadderly the Cat approached poor little Squeak he smiled with an evil smile looking upon his next victim. “How odd,” said Cadderly, “I thought I had already removed all the mice from this barn.” “Now I get to enjoy one last meal. And you look like a nice little lunch indeed.”
While Cadderly was getting closer to little Squeak, Hoppy and Floppy were hurrying over to help their new friend. Just as the yellow cat was about to pounce, Hoppy made the biggest leap in his life. So great was that leap that he almost went all the way over the cat. But at the last second, Hoppy grabbed hold of the cat’s ears to keep him from flying any further. What a sight it was. The now confused cat was shaking his head and swatting at his own face, while Hoppy bounced around holding on for dear life. Shaking so hard was Cadderly, that Hoppy lost hold of one of the cat’s ears.
Hoppy was scared now. If the cat was able to shake him free, there would be nothing Hoppy could do. So he did the only thing a scared frog could do, he started to pee. Well, that was about all old Cadderly could take. And right at that moment, Floppy came
running as fast as he could into the side of the cat. The three of them went rolling head over feet across the barnyard.
When they stopped rolling, Cadderly could only sneeze,
sneeze, sneeze, as the rest of Hoppy’s pee went into his nose. Cadderly took one last look at the frog, the mouse, and the rabbit, said a loud MEOW!, and ran back to the safety of the farm house, sneezing all the way.
After they saw that everyone was okay, Hoppy, Floppy, and Squeak decided this adventure was over. There was still enough time to make it back home, so home they went.
The day started off with two good friends, and ended with three. Squeak found anew home, he wasn’t all alone.
Thinking in the lines of a bedtime story. Hopefully there are no errors from copy and pasting this, if so just ignore them.
"Hoppy, Floppy, and Squeak go to the Farm"
One sunny day, along the side of a small pond, there were two friends playing in the early morning. Hoppy was a well behaved and very smart young frog who looked forward to seeing his best friend, Floppy, at the start of each day. Floppy was nothing like Hoppy. Floppy was a long eared rabbit who ran and jumped and played all day long. There was nothing Floppy thought about except for having fun.
This morning was different; Hoppy was thinking of a plan. Hoppy was getting bored with life around the pond so he said; “Floppy, stop for a minute.” and the young rabbit stopped to see what his friend would say. “What do you think about going on an adventure,” the young frog asked.“Okay,” said Floppy.
Hoppy could have asked that rabbit anything and Floppy would have gladly went along with the idea. He so trusted his wise and faithful friend. So off they went in search of adventure. After two hours of hopping along, they met a little gray field mouse. So shy was this mouse that at first seeing the frog and the rabbit, he was tempted to run back into his hole. But he stayed where he was as Hoppy approached him.
“Hello,” Hoppy said.
“Eeek,” said Squeak.
“Would you like to go on a journey with me and my friend,” Hoppy said pointing over to Floppy.
“Eeek eeek,” said Squeak. Which meant yes in mouse speak.
Squeak was lonely. He was the only one left of a great big family and was eager for friendship, even if it meant going beyond the safety of his little hole.
So off the three adventurers went with Hoppy leading the way, Floppy hopping around them in circles as they went, and Squeak staying close to Hoppy watching for any danger. After a while, they came upon a big red barn and a barnyard full of animals. Kinds of animals they never saw before. They walked up to a wooden fence and saw a fat pink colored animal.
“Howdy,” said Pete the pig.
“Hello,” said Hoppy who then told him their names.
“What is this place,” he asked Pete.
“This is old John’s farm, and this is the barnyard,” said Pete.
“Is it alright for us to look around,” asked Hoppy.
“Sure,” said Pete, “Only be careful. Cadderly doesn’t like strangers,” Pete said.
“Who is Cadderly,” Hoppy asked.
“Cadderly is the cat. He lives at the farm house, but likes to come to the barnyard to stir up trouble from time to time,” Pete replied.
Hoppy thought about it for a minute, looked around at all the strange things in the barnyard, and decided they would at least take a quick look around. After all he thought, “We came this far, we might as well have a look.” So, Hoppy said “thanks“ to Pete, and led his friends on.
They were having so much fun. Each of them looking around the big yard at things they never saw before. Then it happened. From across the way they heard poor little Squeak give out an awful cry.
“Eeek, eeek, eeek,” said Squeak, which in mouse speak meant, “help help please!”
Hoppy and Floppy stopped what they were doing, only to find that a yellow furry cat had Squeak trapped against a wall with no way out. Without thinking of their own safety, the two friends quickly went to help their little companion.
As Cadderly the Cat approached poor little Squeak he smiled with an evil smile looking upon his next victim. “How odd,” said Cadderly, “I thought I had already removed all the mice from this barn.” “Now I get to enjoy one last meal. And you look like a nice little lunch indeed.”
While Cadderly was getting closer to little Squeak, Hoppy and Floppy were hurrying over to help their new friend. Just as the yellow cat was about to pounce, Hoppy made the biggest leap in his life. So great was that leap that he almost went all the way over the cat. But at the last second, Hoppy grabbed hold of the cat’s ears to keep him from flying any further. What a sight it was. The now confused cat was shaking his head and swatting at his own face, while Hoppy bounced around holding on for dear life. Shaking so hard was Cadderly, that Hoppy lost hold of one of the cat’s ears.
Hoppy was scared now. If the cat was able to shake him free, there would be nothing Hoppy could do. So he did the only thing a scared frog could do, he started to pee. Well, that was about all old Cadderly could take. And right at that moment, Floppy came
running as fast as he could into the side of the cat. The three of them went rolling head over feet across the barnyard.
When they stopped rolling, Cadderly could only sneeze,
sneeze, sneeze, as the rest of Hoppy’s pee went into his nose. Cadderly took one last look at the frog, the mouse, and the rabbit, said a loud MEOW!, and ran back to the safety of the farm house, sneezing all the way.
After they saw that everyone was okay, Hoppy, Floppy, and Squeak decided this adventure was over. There was still enough time to make it back home, so home they went.
The day started off with two good friends, and ended with three. Squeak found anew home, he wasn’t all alone.