barrefly
Member
Posts: 13
Joined: November 2011
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Post by barrefly on Nov 2, 2011 16:20:24 GMT -5
I desperately want to make live friendships with aspiring writers from So. Cal. Sure, I'm new to writing, and I could probably count the number of books I've read in my life on my two hands and still have enough fingers left over to make a salami sandwich, but I've got a stocked bar, a bbqer on my patio, no more wifey to bug me, and have some retirement money I'm dying to piss away on a possible writing project.
My 11 year old daughter did some acting, (starred in a Lifetime movie) so, I'm somewhat familiar with the Hollywood scene. (Also, my 17 year old is a pro dancer, for whatever that matters.)
I have a book in the works, but lost my motivation to finish it. If any of you So. Cal writers are into crime/action/suspense, I offer you a great opportunity to help me finish it and put it in your portfolio. (I am having a bit of trouble with the antagonist). It's really a great story, and I think that with the right writer, we could wrap it up (screenplay or novel) in a few months. I have about 30k word count in notes and the plot line is completed from beginning to end. It's titled "The Origami Rose" ...and somebody gets killed in it.
I also have a bunch of short stories that we can play with. I'm currently boning up on filmmaking and photography, but am just about ready to get back to writing.
I'm chill, so no one has to make fun of me. If you are published, or have something on the big screen or T.V. that I may have seen, then you can make fun of me all you want, but just share some insight when you all done.
Charlie
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BlueLotus
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Posts: 587
Joined: August 2011
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Post by BlueLotus on Nov 2, 2011 19:30:56 GMT -5
Welcome to the space, I lived in So Cal hated it... left as soon as I was able. However, perhaps you should check out the Critique section we recently added a trigger contest sometimes writing about something other than what your WIP is helps unblock you. Give it a try.
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Lily
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Joined: May 2011
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Post by Lily on Nov 2, 2011 23:37:41 GMT -5
Welcome, Barrefly -- luv the name. I've travelled through California and found the southern part particularly interesting. It would be worthwhile visiting for just the missions alone. I recall buying a Spanish/English dictionary at the Mission of San Luis Obispo. I was totally fascinated by all the Spanish names -- streets, etc. and just had to know what they meant. I envy your weather.
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barrefly
Member
Posts: 13
Joined: November 2011
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Post by barrefly on Nov 3, 2011 15:09:08 GMT -5
Thank you so much. Lily, Yo hablo poco espanol. Barrefly comes from being a recovering alcoholic who is also a dancers dad. (Barre refers to a ballet barre)
I am just finishing my "Filmmaking" book and will be getting back to writing. I found over 50 grammatical errors in this book, and for some reason that fascinates me. Maybe the writer suffers from aphasia. (3 or 4, I can understand).
The trigger contest sounds fun. I've written "Prompt" competition entries, and though I've never won any, was very pleased with my results. Writing a 1000 w.c. short story in 24 hrs, based on a prompt, is really quite a challenge.
BlueLotus, You are correct. It is a block I have, but I don't want to admit it. Origami is a fantastic story, but I'm having problems with the antagonist. Maybe I can just discuss my problem here, and someone may help me find a solution.
Also, I love having my writing critiqued. I have a great admiration for reviewers/readers that know what they are doing. It takes a lot of brains to critique well. I heard that readers can make money by critiquing stories for agents/publishers/producers etc.
If I sound like I ramble, it's because with writing, I feel like a kid in a candy shop.
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BlueLotus
Member
Posts: 587
Joined: August 2011
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Post by BlueLotus on Nov 3, 2011 16:15:44 GMT -5
Well what seems to be your problem?
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barrefly
Member
Posts: 13
Joined: November 2011
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Post by barrefly on Nov 4, 2011 1:03:09 GMT -5
Well, to begin...I am very familiar with the other characters, but the bad guy,Llorian/Laurence (and Hinako's big brother, Hiro) are foreign to me.
His name is Lorrian Gregoriev when he is living in Moscow at the age of 23. He works with Alexandra's father, Dmitry, in the corrupt russian banking biz. Alexandra is 11 and is living in St. Petersburg/Leningrad, studying at the famed Leningrad choreographic institute. (The most prestigious in the world).
Llorian takes to embezzling, and when he is confronted by the mob (and beaten), he shifts blame to Dmitry, who is innocent. They kill Dmitry and his wife, leaving young Alex an orphan to be cared for by the academy. Llorian beats it out of Russia, with the money, and comes to N.Y.C. to set up shop in real estate. He changes his name to Laurence Gregory and becomes successful.
Years later, when Alex has grown and becomes a ballet star, she comes over to N.Y.C. Ballet (from the Bolshoi). Laurence remembers her, and seduces her to be his lover so that he can get to her wealthy partons.
Poor James, her ballet partner, who is secretly in love with her, witnesses the seduction, and sees her getting into Laurence's limo. (It was after a performance, and is a very sad scene.)
How/why James was selected by Alex to be her partner is very sweet. He was still a soloist and never thought he would ever become a principal dancer with N.Y.C.B. at his age. Alex changed his life, and he fell in love with her.
Anyway, in 2008, Laurence loses lots of money and starts to hustle one of Alex's wealthy partrons, Sylvia Meadows. Sylvia catches on and humiliates Laurance. Also, Hinako's older brother, Hiro, gets involved, and finds out about Laurences past. Laurence decides to turn his attention to Hinako, heir to the Ishikawa fortune worth billions. Hinako is dying of cancer, and is manic depressive. He does the unthinkable, and tries to seduce poor Hinako to get to her money.
So, I need to know how to write it out, making it believable. All of the characters, except James, have a dark side to them. Even Alexandra, who allows Sylvia, her main sponsor, to have her way with her. (She also lets Hinako enjoy herself on Alex's leg..uhhhmmm...while pretending to be asleep. Hinako is in love with Alex.
It's a very complex story. Alex and Hinako first meet in France, at the prestigous, Prix de Lausanne, where Hinako first falls in love with Alex after seeing her dance. (Alex won 1st place.) It is at the "Prix" that Hinako had given Alex an "Origami Rose" for good luck. Alex would not remember the rose, until years later, when Hiro jars her memory. Alex comes to adore Hinako like a little sister, though they are the same age.
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BlueLotus
Member
Posts: 587
Joined: August 2011
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Post by BlueLotus on Nov 4, 2011 13:03:21 GMT -5
Fill this out and see if it sets anything lose for you.
Date this chart was completed:
Character's Full Name: Reason or meaning of name: Nickname: Reason for nickname:
Birth date: Astrological Sign:
PHYSICAL APPEARANCE Age How old does s/he appear? Eye Color: Glasses or contacts? Hair color: Distinguishable hair feature (bald, receding hairline, etc.): Type of hair (coarse, fine, thick, etc?) Typical hairstyle:
Height: Weight: Type of body/build:
Nationality: Skin tone: Skin type:
Shape of face:
Distinguishing Marks? Scars? Most predominant feature: Resembles (famous or not): Accent?
Is s/he healthy? If not, why not:
Physical disabilities: Physical abilities (what is character good at? sports, etc.): Psychic abilities/Powers:
FAVORITES Color: Music: Food: Literature: Expressions: Book: Quote: Expletive(s) (swears): Mode of transportation:
HABITS Smokes: If yes what brand? How often?
Drinks: What? How often?
Worst bad habit? Quirks:
BACKGROUND Hometown: Type of childhood: First memory: Most important childhood event that still affects him/her: Why? Lower education: Higher education:
Book smart or street smart? Religion and/or religious views and/or tendencies? Agnostic/Atheist etc...:
Firsts: Job?
Kiss?
Sexual experience?
FAMILY Mother (name): Relationship with her: Father (name): Relationship with him: Siblings: Birth order: Relationship with each: Children of Siblings: Extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.): Close to family? Yes/No
CHILDREN Does character have child(ren)? How many? Are all children with the same partner? Do they live with the character? If no, why not? If no, what is the custody arrangement? How does character relate to his/her child(ren)? Which child is character's favorite? Why? Character's most favorite memory of his/her child(ren)? Character's least favorite memory of his/her child(ren)? Is relationship with children good? Is relationship with children important to character?
OCCUPATION Where does character work? How many years? Relationship with co-workers? Like his/her job? Why or why not? Dream job:
ATTITUDE Greatest fear: Worst thing that could happen to him/her? What single event would most throw character's life in complete turmoil? Character is most at ease when: Most ill at ease when: Priorities: Philosophy: How s/he feels about self: Past failure s/he would be embarrassed to have people know about: If granted one wish, what would it be? Why? Daredevil or cautious?
Same when alone?
Biggest regret? Biggest accomplishment(s): Minor accomplishment(s): Character's darkest secret: Does anyone else know? If yes, did character tell them? If no, how did they find out?
PERSONALITY Greatest source of strength in character's personality (whether s/he sees it as such or not):
Greatest source of weakness in character's personality (whether s/he sees it as such or not):
Character's soft spot: Is this soft spot obvious to others? If not, how does character hide it?
Biggest vulnerability: Which of the 7 deadly sins does character fight (or give into, willingly or not)? (lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, pride)
Which of the 7 virtues does your character have (or fight against)? (chastity, abstinence, leberality, diligence, patience, kindness, humility)
TRAITS Optimist or pessimist? Introvert or extrovert? Drives and motivations? Talents (hidden or not)? Extremely skilled at: Extremely unskilled at: Good characteristics: Character flaws: Mannerisms: Peculiarities:
SELF-PERCEPTION One word character would use to describe self: One paragraph description of how character would describe self:
What does character consider best physical characteristic? What does character consider worst physical characteristic? Are these realistic assessments? If no, why not?
How CHARACTER thinks others perceive him/her? What four things would CHARACTER most like to change about self? (#1 most important, #2 second most important, etc.) 1) 2) 3) 4)
If change #1 was made, would character be as happy as s/he thinks? If no, why not?
INTERRELATION WITH OTHERS Is character divorced? Why? If yes, how many times? Has character ever cheated on any significant other? How does character relate to others?
How is s/he perceived by... Strangers? Friends? Wife/Husband/Lover? Children- Co-workers? Protagonist? Antagonist?
First impression character makes is: What do family/friends like most about character? Friends- Family- What do family/friends like least about character? Friends- Family-
GOALS Immediate goal(s): Long range goal(s): How does character plan to accomplish goal(s)? How will other people around character be affected?
PROBLEMS/CRISIS How character react in a crisis (calm/panic/etc.)? How does character face problems? Kinds of problems character usually runs into: How does character react to NEW problems? How does character react to change?
GENERAL Jewelry? Other accessories? Drives a ... : Where does character live? With anyone? Yes/No Where does character want to live? Spending habits (frugal, spendthrift, etc)? What does s/he do too much of? Too little of? Most prized possession: Why? Play musical instrument? Which one(s)? How did s/he learn? Does character like animals? Any pets? Likes music? What kind?
TECHNICAL Owns a computer? Yes/No If not, why not? Email address(es): If more than one, each used for...? "Handle": Meaning to character: Uses computer for business, pleasure, both? Business Play computer games? If yes, which game(s)? If yes, how many hours per day? If so, are they/it multiplayer game/s? Name used on each game & meaning to character? List 4 on-line site(s) (URLs) visited daily? 1. 2. 3. 4. UNCATEGORIZED Person character secretly admires: Person character was most influenced by: Most important person in characters’ life before story begins.
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barrefly
Member
Posts: 13
Joined: November 2011
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Post by barrefly on Nov 4, 2011 13:16:16 GMT -5
BlueLotus, Thank you so much. That may help, but it's more of his business that I am unfamiliar with. He's a shady person, and I don't know much about shady dealings.
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BlueLotus
Member
Posts: 587
Joined: August 2011
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Post by BlueLotus on Nov 4, 2011 13:18:20 GMT -5
Which is why you should fill the profile out dear... I learned so much about my MC's by doing these things... You can after you fill in this one Add a section for his business dealings. Like Grandma always said "There is more than one way to skin a kitty." They also help keep your tale consistent. Which is a bonus!!! I write fantasy so some of this is set up for that genera. You can change it to meet your needs.
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BlueLotus
Member
Posts: 587
Joined: August 2011
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Post by BlueLotus on Nov 4, 2011 13:25:10 GMT -5
He's a shady person, and I don't know much about shady dealings. I find that hard to believe... People lie that is human nature, take a look at ponzi deals, congress, the news, we all hear about how who and why these things are done daily. We have the information it is just a matter of getting it in the right order. Unleash your dark side...
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barrefly
Member
Posts: 13
Joined: November 2011
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Post by barrefly on Nov 4, 2011 14:46:47 GMT -5
He's the only character/character plot that is keeping me from finishing my first novel. I've started filling out the profile, but I need to figure out what he and Dmitry do for the mob.
I am thinking that Dmitry does the accounting and Llorian is the pick up man. Dmitry discovers that the numbers aren't adding up and confronts Llorian about it. That's when I draw a blank.
When the bosses find out, they work over Llorian to talk, and he convinces them it was Dmitry. I'm thinking that maybe the mob rigs the gas on Dmitry's stove and it blows up, killing Dmitry and his wife. Llorian high tails it out of Russia. Alex is left an orphan, to be cared for by the academy.
Also, I need to go into detail how Llorian, (now Laurence) is wiped out in the real estate market in the late 2000s, (that shouldn't be too hard). He has always spoiled Alexandra, and is feeling the pinch. He tries to get Sylvia to finance him, and she (also having a thing for Alex) tells him he's a loser and to go to hell. He then goes to Hiro, and Hiro makes him feel like a stupid con that doesn't deserve Alex. He then tries to get Hinako to invest some of the Ishikawa fortune. He's really getting desperate.
There is a party scene that needs to be really tense. Laurance knows that James is secretly in love with Alex, and he mocks James and puts him down. James is about ready to kick some butt, but Hiro stops him. Laurance gets drunk and becomes abusive to Alex and Hinako notices. Hinako is in love with Alex, as well. (Heck, everyone loves Alexandra)
It is at the party that Hinako starts to hallucinate due to her manic depression. Alex becomes the Snow Maiden, Hinako is the Queen of the Butterflies, Laurance is the Lizard King, Hiro is the Sun God (maybe), James is the Captain of the Guard.
This happens in the last few chapters and is along the lines of "Pans Labyrinth". I don't remember the movie, but I hope it doesn't have a Lizard in it.
I really want to tell you how it ends...but I shan't.
Added: I want to make the story read like a ballet, since the ballet world is the backdrop for the story.
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