charlotte
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Post by charlotte on Aug 16, 2011 16:52:11 GMT -5
Ack no editor is getting my first draft lol - it isn't ready. Maybe five drafts down the line. Good luck with it.
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BlueLotus
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Post by BlueLotus on Aug 16, 2011 19:18:03 GMT -5
LOL I love my poor editor, having me as a client is no cup of tea. Dyslexic and allergic to punctuation are my dominate traits.
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BlueLotus
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Post by BlueLotus on Aug 16, 2011 20:05:24 GMT -5
Now I could reverse the sections if needed... Not really sure what I think of this :/ Another option is to drop the first bit and add it a little at a time later...
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charlotte
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Post by charlotte on Aug 18, 2011 14:06:04 GMT -5
I think that is much better and for an early draft great. Breaking up the huge wall of text for me has created movement and interest. It now reads like a story instead of a textbook.
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BlueLotus
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Post by BlueLotus on Aug 18, 2011 14:39:39 GMT -5
Sweet ... I know some of the wording is a little odd (or so I was told) but it is the creation myth nearly word for word, I don't feel right about changing someones religious story... Am I wrong?
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johnee
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Post by johnee on Aug 19, 2011 22:22:08 GMT -5
first, lemme say that i don't normally read work like this, but the "cosmic" element intrigues me. as to the amount of detail/info contained in this excerpt, i think that it does show itself as a prologue. but we really don't know how extensive the exposition it - maybe it spills and spills into later pages and chapters? that would give your work a different feel, as opposed to something where exposition and narrative flow are broken by lighter stretches of dialogue and character development.
so you have about 200 pages already written? wow. i've never had a desire to write a novel. my prose wish would be to write kick-ass short stories. so i dunno how much i could help here. but as far as worrying about what people think certain words - like "soul" etc. mean, i wouldn't. worry, that is. YOU define the world in your novel. this is fiction, right? BUT i do like the idea of incorporating elements of various 'belief' systems in the tale. You're certainly free to bend them in any way you wish.
so, this is an intriguing write. there are quite a few nitty things to be taken care of - proofreading, editing and such. but i think you need to put it all into perspective - have the episodes and elements balanced against each other, both in length and in a sense of grasp-and-release: exposition morphing to action or humor, and appearing once more, later on, in correct proportion as regards the flow of the write.
i guess i've given you some very very general observations. i hope i've given you even a morsel to chew on. it seems to me that if you want overall help - as opposed to editing and pointing out more obvious rough spots - we need to see more of teh work, or some sort of overall part-by-part outline. is 200 pages (unfinished) a long read/write? some would say yes; some would say no. some novels are extremely long, and some of these contain multiple 'books' between one set of covers. it all depends on what you think the 'organic entity' you're trying to create really should 'look' like. i'd say write it all out to its conclusion, then shape it, thinking of it as a sculpture: walk around it, look at it from different angles...
geez, i'm long-winded tonight, lol.
best, johnee
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johnee
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Post by johnee on Aug 19, 2011 22:24:14 GMT -5
shoot - most of my comments are really about the first post of yours in this thread. i shall have to go back and read through the entire thread - your revisions, i mean. but i guess some of my supposed 'advice' could still be valid.
je
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BlueLotus
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Post by BlueLotus on Aug 19, 2011 22:31:46 GMT -5
Thanks John, I would love to have your input on the last posting which is the latest draft, yeah I know it is rough still, but hopefully the last posting is not as bad as the first (crossing fingers.) I have just over 200 pages done but I think with this new POV and fresh line of story I am going to be re writing those as well. You say the same thing my Father said, write the darn thing than deal with polishing it up. so I suppose I should stop being so OCD about it and just get it out of my head first than worry with the finer points later... Ouch I think my brain just sprained even thinking about leaving it so poorly done makes my head spin. which reminds me... I have laundry to iron... TTYL TYVM for posting a reply. ~BL~
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johnee
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Post by johnee on Aug 23, 2011 20:26:40 GMT -5
hi, BL, you've left a lot here to look at, and i'm feeling kinda lazy right now. but if you'd like, i can check out these first two chapters sometime over the next day or so - dunno how much further than basic corrections, maybe some ideas if there are awkward spots, etc. i haven't seriously read them yet. but i can, if you think a look like that would help.
john e
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BlueLotus
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Post by BlueLotus on Oct 6, 2011 2:22:25 GMT -5
Bump, 700 + reads but no thoughts???
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Post by mirandavalenz on Oct 6, 2011 14:30:00 GMT -5
Hey BlueLotus,
I like your plot, it has the potential to go far. Three books is a good way to break it up and dive into the entire story line. Nice work.
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BlueLotus
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Post by BlueLotus on Oct 7, 2011 12:58:08 GMT -5
Thanks. I know there are issues with it, but I can't seem to find em, I am too close to it I think. So if anyone see them please point them out. I won't cry promise lol. ~BL~
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